Old Age – A Privilege not Enjoyed by All – Part 1
Posted by jose kutty kurian
In 1957, the year I was born, life expectancy was 39 years and 3 months, a quantum jump from 31 years in 1947, when India got independence. In 2022, it is 70 years and 2 months. With advancement in medical technology, life expectancy would be well over 80 years by the time India celebrates its centenary as a free nation. That notwithstanding, not everyone gets a chance to enjoy old age. It’s therefore incumbent upon those lucky and privileged to cross this milestone to appreciate and enjoy the gift of longevity given by the Almighty. In this episode of my blog, I pen down few suggestions that will make our twilight years more enjoyable and meaningful, as also make the transfer of assets to the next generation as painless as possible.
= Most Relaxing Stage. Old age is a time when all tensions related to younger days, like doing well in studies, finding a career and excelling in it, finding a life partner and raising a family, settling the children etc are all behind you. So make the best use of it.
= Don’t Expect Attention and Praise. I come across many senior citizens, especially those who have retired from good positions, expecting the same sort of importance after retirement too. Earlier one gets used to the reality that he /she is no more in a position of power, better it will be for the individual as well as the people around.
= Don’t Expect Children to Look After you in your Old Age. One constant lament I hear from senior citizens is ‘I have spent so much time, effort and money bringing up my children and educating them, but they do not have the time or inclination to look after us in our old age’. I feel this is a sort of selfish way of looking at a parent-child relationship. After all, this is not a transactional relationship, expecting a quid pro quo reciprocation- I scratched your back when you were young, now you got to scratch mine when I am old. I do not by any chance absolve children from their responsibilities of looking after their aged parents. Emotional support, and if required and capable, financial support is essential. But that should not be demanded by the elders. As for me personally, I have not looked after my parents even for a day; hence I have zero expectation that my children should look after me in my old age. It would do lot of good for parents who expect children to look after them in their old age to remember the words of the famous Persian philosopher, author and poet, Kahlil Gibran, “Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself. They come through you, but not from you, and though they are with you, yet they belong not to you”
= Live for Yourself. In your younger days, you lived as per desires of your parents, once married, as per desires of your spouse, once children are grown up, as per their desires. When will I be able to live for myself? I have seen so many parents alternating between their children, to look after their children- 6 months in one country babysitting, thereafter 6 months in another, with the other child for a repeat performance. This goes on and on and on, till the grandchildren graduate and are employed. Well, when will you have time to live for yourself, my friend, after all this? I am by no means trying to say the elderly parents shouldn’t help their children; they should, when there is a real need, like the birth of their grandchildren.
= Financial Independence. One of the greatest curses of old age will be lack of financial independence. While few of us who are lucky to have served in government or in government undertakings are lucky to enjoy the privilege of pension, it is those in private undertakings or self-employed who have to plan out their old age financials. Depending totally on their children for their sustenance, however well placed they may be, is not the best policy.
= Continue the Quest for Knowledge. Fortunately, there is no upper age limit for enrolling oneself for any formal education curriculum. I recently read a news wherein an 82 year old grandma was sitting alongside 14 year olds, who could have been her great grandchildren, attending 8th standard class in a govt high school in Kerala. Most human beings have a closed mindset, as far as acquiring new knowledge, after the age of around 50. However, in the present-day tech savvy world, one is bound to be totally left behind in case one doesn’t keep abreast with the changes. In this matter, I give full credit to Vatsalapaatti, the 94 year old grandmother of my DIL Mythreyee. Till her very end three months back, she had a voracious appetite for new knowledge. (Read my blog ‘A Phenomenon called Vatsalapaatti’ dated 02 Sep 22). Similarly, Bindu, wife of my classmate Sasi Kumar (who edits and corrects all my blogs before publishing), has taken to formal learning of music and dance, after her retirement from Bank of Baroda, and churns out musical albums at regular intervals. So too, dance performances at various public functions…. Historically too, most of the great achievers of the world, be it William Wordsworth, Michelangelo or Rabindranath Tagore, have all produced their masterpieces during the latter part of their career.
To be continued in Part 2 to be published shortly
