An Ode to my Brother
By
Brig Umesh Singh Bawa Vrc, SM
I pen these lines in memory of my elder brother to acknowledge and share both our joy that his life was to us, and the pain that his passing brings By sharing the joy and the pain, we may lessen the pain and remember more clearly the joy.
He was popularly called Papu by his siblings. His wife Priya called him Ajit and his two handsome sons called him Pops. He was elder to me by five years. He was just 67 years old when he passed away on 09 May 2021, due to covid-19 complications. He was born on 05 Oct 1953 in Delhi and spent his whole life in the same city. We spent our childhood and grew together flying kites, playing guli danda, marbles, cricket and badminton. I was seen by my elder brother as a tag-along and pain in the neck, who would not miss a chance to blackmail him by threatening to disclose his guarded secrets. We also fought with each other and loved each other at the same time. As much as the siblings’ squabble when they are young, this is not a sign that they do not love each other. Most siblings would lay down their life for each other. Fighting was part of love.
As we grew older into our teenage, he became my guide and mentor and helped me traverse the complicated path of growing up. Now we found it easier to get along and relate to each other in a rewarding way. My brother was always my best friend. We would share our inner secrets of infatuation and girlfriends as most teenagers do. I would copy his fashion sense, which was indeed good. He wanted to become an IAS officer but became a lawyer by default. I wanted to become a doctor but joined the Army again by default. We parted and I moved out of our home because of different profession. But we would meet frequently during my leave and enjoyed each other’s company. He was a handsome Sardar and his friends called him Sardaron ka Rajesh Khanna. At that time Rajesh Khanna was the heartthrob of many young girls.
Once when I came on leave, I saw my brother had shortened his hair and got rid of his turban. He was looking more handsome now. As I told you that I use to copy his style often and on my next leave I also cut my hair short but continued to wear my turban with my military uniform. I remember, my Pita Ji and Biji,as we fondly called them, scolded Papu more than me as they held him responsible for setting a wrong example for his younger brother. I was watching the fun when he was being given a dressing and a moral lecture by my Dad.
We continued to meet at least once a year during my annual leave. Papu was a man who did not have a mean bone in his body, a warm friendly man who made his mark as an outstanding advocate of Delhi High Court with his sheer hard work and dedication. As we grew in age we became the best of friends and shared our joy and sorrows.
Papu started having some health issues in 2010. He was detected with cancer and later also suffered a heart attack. Later cancer spread to his kidneys and his kidneys had to be removed. He was required to go for dialyses three times a week. He started becoming weak physically but was always strong-willed. He once had a fall and fractured his leg, but his strong willpower overcame all the hurdles that he faced in life. Despite all the problems he was facing, he never displayed it to others. He would always remain cheerful and attended all the family functions with a smile. He would call me thrice a week without fail and we would discuss politics, international relations and security issues. He was very strong with his views and it was impossible to change his thought process. He was well-read and informed about all the current issues.
He was the one who motivated me to write a book on the Kargil war. He took a keen interest and gave some very valuable suggestions to improve the content of the book. Thereafter, he read every line of the book and narrated to me whenever we talked to each other. He was my motivator for everything in life. He motivated me to write articles and read each one of them with full interest. Now, I will not get any calls from him. He will be missed very badly. I will not have anybody to talk to. There is pain and emptiness without his presence.
The last time I spoke to him was 24 May when he informed me that he has contacted covid-19. It was crushing news for me as he was planning to get his second shot of the vaccine shortly. I could feel the helplessness in his voice. But knowing him as a warrior who combated many such difficult health issues previously, but he overcame each one of them due to his sheer willpower. But this time, his voice did not radiate that confidence. I think he knew that his time to meet God has come. My biggest regret is that I never got a chance to say that I love you. I never got a chance to say I miss you. It hurts because I could never say Good- Bye to you. I only wish that I could fly to the heavens above only to say my last Good-Bye. I hope you are happy wherever you are. You will remain in my heart always and every time. I will remember you each day that I live. Such a privilege to have you as my brother.
There were many wonderful aspects to Papu’s life and many ways that he touched our lives. He will be remembered as a wonderful brother, a great friend, a generous husband, a loving father, and a favourite Taya, Chacha and Mama to all of us. In all these ways and more, he made our lives richer and fuller. In many ways, the gift of Papu’s life is still here with us. He lives on in our memories and stories. I would encourage each one of you to share your memories and stories of Papu. In this way, we will keep the gift of Papu’s life alive. I will keep with me the good times that we shared.
