Cadets Mess Chronicles
By
A NDA Cadet
If there is one place in Khadakwasla, where moods and pace change with the time of the day, it is none other than the ‘Cadets Mess’.
Napoleon is said to have commented ‘Army marches on its stomach’. In NDA, it rolled, crawled, doubled, haunched and ran cross country on its stomachs, too.
Though neither of the three entrances of the Cadets Mess matched that of Sudan Block or QM Fort, any visitor inside would be awed by the layout inside, almost like Hogwarts School dining hall. The Burmese teak never fail to impress, unlike their army and politicians.The ambience and happiness that Cadets Mess packs inside is infinite and the stone walls hold innumerous tales of awe, joy and sorrow, ofcourse in addition to the ‘Table for One’.
With close to 2700 meals in 3 years (even more for those who stayed back at the end of term to complete their punishments, physical and academic tests!), it definitely is the most visited place for any cadet inside NDA. I am sure some of the readers might start recollecting ‘least visited places’….To most cadets, it should be the ‘Academy Library’, I am sure. Some of the ‘smart cadets’ graduated without ever having stepped inside that, even once.
*****
The routine of the Cadets Mess would start even before the insomniac roosters woke up in the morning.
Each day around 4 in the morning, the ingredients for morning tea and the Shrewsbury cookies would get ready to leave for the dormitories. The cookies were referred as ‘dog biscuits’. Sometimes they were plain and sometimes they had chopped nuts in them. They tasted same…just delicious.
Any cadet could swallow a dozen biscuits in a jiffy, if only he could lay his hands on them. Hats off to the bakers who baked thousands of these goodies every day.
I never met any cadet with nut allergies, or for that matter any food allergies. Like the crocodiles of Nile we could digest even iron nuts and bolts.
*****
The Bill of Fare of the Cadets Mess could easily give any high-end restaurant run for its money.
Roghan josh, Madras curry, Russian salad, Fish in Aspic, Mutton puffs, Scotch eggs, Rongi Masala (pigeon eyed beans or lobia) Swiss rolls with custard, Trunk of tree pudding, …..one can recollect scores of items off the menu even today. I was surprised later in life, when I realized army mess cooks knew nothing of these.
Each item on menu in Cadets Mess tasted better than the other. Maybe, ‘food tastes the sweetest, when the stomach is most hungry’.
A few years back, when I read about hundreds of NDA Cadets falling sick after a meal, three things came to my old veteran mind immediately: –
• The stomach condition of cadets like their other physical and academic standards, had been compromised over the years.
• The culinary skills of the Mess Staff have deteriorated.
• I was damn sure that more than 70% would have feigned sick, to join to band wagon to get a medical exemption like ‘Attend B’ and ‘Attend C’ enmasse. Why let a crisis go waste?
***** Breakfast Breaks
Want to see the real efficiency of an NDA Cadet?
Try watching him (now her, too) during the breakfast break.
Phase 1. At the ‘end of PT session whistle’ by Physical Training officer, followed by the dismissal order from the PT sergeant, shout ‘Jai Hind Saheb’, run to the bike stand, collect the drill rig, grab the bike, form a squad and dash down to Lima Squadron near Gol Market, along the stadium and Hut of Remeberance.
Phase 2. Park your bike in the squadron cycle stand, run to the cabin, undress, grab a shower with 25 other nudes, change into the working dress for classes, get the shirt tucked by the orderlies sun bathing in battalion area, and form a squad to run to the Cadets Mess.
Phase 3. Eat breakfast.
Phase 4. Get back to cabin, set the cabin in order, grab your books and satchel for the classes that D day, run down, pick up your bike, form squad and cycle back to Science Block.
All these phases in flat 50 minutes or 3000 seconds! My daughter takes more time to come down from her room to kitchen for dinner.
Even the Israelis at Entebbe cannot match the 50 minutes!!
And that too. if you didn’t have a flat tire, or your bike stolen, got pulled over by a cadet or drill sergeant on duty on the road, or worse, if your Squadron or Division Commander wanted to have a word with you before classes (which certainly was terrifying)!!
What could be even worse was your neighboring friendly Sikh in the next cabin, politely asking you help stretch and tie his turban cloth. Damn you Gurmit, Ravinder, Tejinder and Daljinder!
Even if a cadet’s girlfriend or God landed up in NDA between 9 AM and 10 AM, they would be ignored. Period.
Time, tide and NDA Cadet could wait for no one, in that duration.
The whole routine was battle procedure, battle drill and innovation all rolled in a perfect choreography.
*****
“Eat Breakfast?” That wasn’t simple either. It was both an art and science.
After the physical routines in the morning, you were hungrier than Gandhi after his hunger strikes.
On breakfast table, the quantity of milk, butter, jam and eggs was fixed; but the amount of bread and porridge was unlimited. The technique of consuming maximum toasts and porridge within the limited resources and time, was the crucial issue.
For starters, one could break two or three slices and mix and down them with porridge and milk.
If the guy sharing butter cube hadn’t arrived yet, slice it fair and square from top, but incline the cut thereafter to favor you. That’s almost two toasts worth of integrity hiding under the surface. He did it yesterday, when you were late, anyway!
Another two toasts with eggs that were served with ham. sausage or liver.
Thereafter, there was hardly any space in the gastrointestinal system or time for the coffee anyway.
The sadist appointments would have started giving ‘clear out calls’, even when you had planned to eat three or more slices of bread. Sometimes we landed up smuggling some bread for our brethren who missed breakfast too.
No wonder half the cadets slept in atleast two to three classes before lunch.
*****
In Lima squadron we had real rascal waiter named ‘Budh Singh’.
Even while you were doing your porridge, he would place the plate with eggs, and vanish behind the kitchen doors. He would reappear with sizzling toasts only after the appointments gave the clarion call to quit the mess.
If looks could kill, Budh singh would have been ashes, half century ago. We never ever forgave that that man.
*****
Our class had the good fortune of having old timer civilian lecturers like Bhandari, Sawardekar, Vasudevan, Dhotiwala and Venkateswaran.
Mr Sawardekar had a typical habit of sitting on the lecturers table with his two feet perched on top of the two student desks in front.
One time he started, “Did you know that recently a cadet ate 22 slices of bread during a single
breakfast?”
The whole class burst out laughing.
“I know you would not believe it, but it is very very real,” he stressed.
Then someone in the class told him, “That cadet is sitting next to your right foot, sir”. Sawardekar pulled back his right leg like a Cheshire cat who had touched a hot plate. It is different story that cadet later rose to command an army in Indian military!
*****
While we were at NDA, the Commandant noticed the brisk routine of the cadets. A sense of humaneness and pity overwhelmed him. Result:The breakfast break was extended by 10 minutes.
Within two weeks the catering officer almost in tears, was in Commandant’s office.
The cadets did everything in the same timing as before. The extra ten minutes were spent completely on the breakfast table. Result: Provisions for breakfast were running out.
We reverted back to our good ole 50 minutes within 2 weeks.
***** Lunch Lore
Lunches comparatively were drab affairs.
We had to quickly grab lunch in order to get ready to catch a siesta in the hot afternoon, or change into some funny rig to go collect your identity card or identity slip from a vulture sergeant or Cadet Adjutant, who caught you in the forenoon.
Lunch tasted good on Saturdays when the bicycle rode you, rather than the usual other way. It tasted even better, if you had just returned after a trip to Singarh on a Sunday morning
*****
Dinner Stories
One of our old timer lecturers told us the story of Abdul Gamal Nasser’s visit to NDA in the sixties.
Nasser was to fly to Bombay (It was still Bombay, meri jaan) from Cairo. He was to take the road trip to
Pune, and attend the dinner night with NDA cadets.
The cadets had assembled in the Cadets Mess for the meal. That’s when they were told the flight over Arabian Sea was delayed. The cadets would need to go back to their squadrons, and reassemble when the chief guest was close to Khadakwasla.
Nasser arrived after 2 AM. By the time the dinner was finished and Nasser rose to speak, it was well past
3 in the morning. Nasser went on to describe the revolution in Egypt in every detail. Maybe he was still on Cairo time.
The Adjutant of the Academy who sat squarely opposite to the Chief Guest would doze off. He would wake up to find the cadet on his right was fast asleep. He would nudge to wake up the cadet, and also ask him to wake up the one next to him.
Like dominoes the cadets and the adjutant would wake up and fall back to sleep again and again. Nasser least realized when an NDA cadet sleeps, he could beat a polar bear in December.
That did not stop Nasser explaining the success on the Suez!
*****
If you thought only foreign dignitaries left memories in Cadets Mess, you are wrong. Dr S Radhakrishnan did too.
When he came to present the colors in 1963, the officers of the academy and Rashtrapati Bhavan staff
had clearly overlooked the philosopher’s diet routine.
There were no Facebook or internet for help either.
It is only when everyone was seated and the soup was brought in, the President gave a quizzical look. It is then the Academy learnt, the old man ate yogurt rice (Thayirsaadam) with pickles for dinner. The cooks in NDA knew how to make Russian Salad and Scotch Eggs, but not the specific kind of rice Commander-in-Chief ate.
Someone was immediately rushed to one of the Pune suburbs (Shukrawar or Shaniwar or Somwar peths) where most of the South Indian brahmins resided then. It was almost midnight by the time the meal arrived in a tiffin carrier.
Then the dinner night started!!
***** The dinner stories didn’t stop with Presidents alone.
When Indira Gandhi came for graduation of 51 Course, at the dinner just before the dessert was to be served, the lights went out in the Cadets Mess.
It was the emergency period in India. A scare ran through the dining hall with few missed heart beats.
Then the rows of waiters emerged out of the kitchen carrying caramelized pudding with flambéing with the most dramaticism.
*****
Talking of 51 Course, the cadet who stood out most in it was the handsome ACA Pravin Bakshi. He easily deserved the Gold Medal for his smartness, sports and academic achievements
All cadets (except him, you bet) envied or hated him. He was pretty harsh during the term.
Towards the end of the term an incident took place depriving him of his medal and his appointment. Our anger and dislike changed to pity and love instantly. He received the maximum applause for every award he won during the Awards Dinner at the Cadets Mess.
Little did I know then, that a similar fate would play out four decades later, when he lost his chance to command the Indian Army.
*****
While MPS Awati was the commandant, he would often quote a humorous piece from Navy. I still remember the following: –
• In Navy they say, “the vice of the vice admiral is the rear of the rear admiral”.
• We have a toast in Navy,“To our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet”.
Pain on the Plate
Learning of table manners was not an easy task for a lot of us.
For first one or two weeks after we joined the Academy, the freshmen were seated in separate tables. After a lecture / demonstration by the catering officer, we were mingled with second termers, who were more than waiting for us. The lucky first termers got some decent second termers who didn’t bother the freshmen, near them. But then, for others there were some bullies who made life miserable. Each bully tried to be more innovative in bullying than the other.
Eating soup with fork, adding a serving of salt to the plate for any infringement, getting into chicken position under the dining table, reciting names of Academy appointments from Amit Aneja and Priyatosh Deb of Alfa Squadron to Sahni, Yadav, Gujral, Sukumar of other squadrons, memorizing the
‘Bill of Fare’ for the week, naming soup and the dessert in the meal before they arrived..…..the list was endless.
One of my classmates, after going hungry continuously for two or three meals, could take it nomore. He wrote to his father saying ‘one Cadet Mann (not German, ofcourse) was pickling him with uniodized salt, depriving him of food for days’. His caring father promptly wrote to AVM MB Naik, enclosing his hungry offspring’s letter.
A day after the mail arrived t Naik’s desk, Mann became our coursemate!
*****
NDA is like a nowhere express train with an infinite running time. Each of us travelled for three years stretch (in some cases half or one more). The Cadets Mess was like the dining saloon in the train.
I am sure, each one of us have experienced or come across atleast one happy or one sad story, which we might have narrated to someone dear.
Maybe the recollection and narration gives us the feeling of sitting for a meal in the saloon. If only Da Vinci was around to paint it!
