Confessions of a Tippler
By
J K Kurian, Veteran
As a person who has been enjoying his evening drink for almost 43 years, I thought it would be interesting for my readers to know of my forays into that field. Amongst the Christians of Central Travancore, it’s a taboo to be publicly acknowledging that you love your drinks, though behind closed doors, 90% of them enjoy it. But being an unorthodox person, I have no qualms about admitting that I love my drinks. And my prayer to God Almighty is that I should be able to enjoy it till the last day that I am guest of this planet Earth.
= I fondly remember the first drink that I ever had in my life, in second half of 1977, as a Gentleman Cadet (GC), while training at the Indian Military Academy (IMA), Dehra Dun. Being not formally schooled on proper etiquettes and protocols of social drinking, we, 3 schoolmates, bought a bottle of rum from the market and sat down to drinking, on a Saturday night. As a person always in a hurry, I polished off 2/3rd of the bottle, leaving behind my fellow drinker by a mile. Sure enough, I was soon so sozzled that my friends had to lift me to my room. Having puked all over the room and the smell spreading all over, my friends had a hard time cleaning up. Probably having got a whiff of things, the Duty officer of the day came sniffing around on that Sunday afternoon, quite unusually. My fellow comrades-in-crime, having realised the impending disaster to them and me, locked my room from outside and told the Duty officer on the prowl that I had gone out to another company to look up a classmate who had broken his arm during training. Had it not been for their quick-witted action, I would have been marched up to the IMA Commandant and relegated 6 months. A very narrow escape!! And thank God and my friends for that.
= Having been commissioned into the 4th Gorkha Rifles, I joined the battalion in July 1978 in Dharchula, a field area on Indo-Tibet border. As was the practice and norms in Gorkha battalions in those good old days, you really had a hard time searching out a teetotaler officer. At sun down, we used to congregate in the Officers’ Mess and nobody knew when the show would be over. Having learned the dictum ‘When in Rome, be like the Romans’, I too enjoyed hitting the bottle hard. There were days when we would break off from the Officers’ Mess at 530 am, change over to your PT (physical training) dress and join the morning PT with the troops. Hardly anyone recollects as to what happened during the intervening period from 7pm to 530am. Those were the days, my friend, we thought would never end,……….
= Within 2 months of my joining the battalion, I was detailed to captain the Battalion’s Basketball team in the Inter battalion competition at Joshimath, the Brigade HQ, some 250 kms away. I had never been a Basketball player, but being from a Sainik School, knew the game and its rules. Since an officer was to play compulsorily, I, the junior most, was ordered to play. While at Joshimath, a bachelor Mallu Major Sahib, for some extraneous reasons, called me over for a drink one evening. He kept insisting on the virtues of having neat rum, unadulterated with water. The exercise continued for a few hours, till I was totally knocked out and had to be carried to my room. I didn’t wake up till the next evening and missed the Basketball match that day. My being AWL (Absent Without Leave) was reported to the battalion and sure enough, I was marched up to the Second in Command (2IC), Major Suresh Khandarao Chitnis (who, unfortunately passed away last week). Here was the 21 plus year old man being arraigned for over drinking and being absent from duty. (Unlike the 23 year old ‘child’ being charged with substance abuse, presently all over the news). Maj Chitnis was a large hearted, fatherly figure, who after a few choicest abuses, let me off with a warning not to repeat it again- after twirling his trademark handlebar moustache a few times. Had it not been for his magnanimity, I would have been fixed within 3 months of service as an irresponsible drunkard, not capable of holding higher Army appointments. I dedicate this episode of my blog to the memory of that wonderful human being called Maj Chitnis. Rest in Peace Sir, till I join you up there.
= These two touch and go incidents ultimately moulded me into a ‘responsible drinker’ that I am today. In the last 43 plus years since then, I have never had an occasion to regret my not being able to hold my drink. In spite of the fact that I have always loved my 150ml whiskey every day. On happy occasions like a classmates get together or the 4th Gorkha Rifles regimental reunion, this could go upto 500 ml. But I have never been on my all fours, and have managed to walk or drive back to my room. Even on such occasions, that persistent hangover is not a problem these days- I suppose it’s just that the body has got used to it after so many years.
= Just to check on my willpower, I voluntarily abstain one day in an year, ie Good Friday- of course there is not much of religious connotation to it- a practice I have been following for over 20 years. My wife Flory is so habituated to seeing me enjoy my evening drink that, for any reason, if I decide not to have a drink an odd day (very rare occasions), she comes repeatedly to check on my health, if my body temperature is okay and I am not sick otherwise. I am happy to say that, in spite of such continuous drinking, I am not a die-hard drunkard who gets withdrawal symptoms without drinks.
Recently I voluntarily went for a 10 day in-patient ayurvedic wellness treatment. I abstained from drinking during those 10 days, as well as the following 15 days of follow-up treatment. As a heart patient regularly taking 7 pills a day for 18 years, topped up with the daily quota of whiskey, doctors often scare the daylights out of me, about how my kidney, liver etc could pack up soon. I therefore make it a point to carry out kidney & liver function tests, lipid profile and blood sugar tests every 6 months. Many a times, doctors themselves are aghast as to how I manage a near perfect test result, in spite of such reckless lifestyle. (Thank God and the regular yoga, pranayama and Surya Namaskar!!).
= Across the years, I have come across many different types of drinking partners. During my younger days in Gorkha Regt, we had a perpetually drunk officer, who was affectionately addressed as Raja sahib. He used to start his day with a peg of rum, in place of the bed tea and it used to be topped up at regular intervals. Though married, with children, he used to be giving company to us bachelors in the Officers’ mess. Once he was adequately topped up, he would start off his ghazals and old Hindi movie songs, entertaining us in an otherwise dull and drab place like Palampur (HP). Sure enough, his liver, kidney and other internal organs packed up and he died a premature death. May God bless his soul….. I had a well to do cousin, who too hit the bottle hard in his latter years. After his drinks, the entire world, all its creations, his children and relatives included, were bad and were abused left, right and centre. Be it a baptism ceremony, a wedding or a funeral, he used to make his presence felt with his obnoxious behaviour. I used to avoid him like a plague, specially when he was drunk…… Conversely, I know of a far relative of Flory, who, after his drinks used to turn ‘angelic’. Many a day, after his evening drinks, he would be standing at the village junction, distributing whatever money is left in his pocket. Flory used to ask his daughter, a classmate, as to why the children and their mother never objected to his excessive drinking. That’s when she confessed that their father was so loving and caring after his drinks, whereas he was abrasive and uncaring when in his normal senses. A win-win situation for both parties!
= Kerala is the drinking capital of India, with the highest per capita liquor consumption. For the Mallu, be it a birth or death in the family, a wedding or funeral ceremony, Onam, Christmas or Eid, he just needs a reason to drink. That’s the reason, when the beverage outlets opened after a two month lockdown, the queue to purchase liquor used to be in kms at many places. (That’s one time I profoundly thank the Army for the canteen facility for ex-servicemen like me). But many Mallus are not schooled on proper drinking etiquettes and protocols, and drink to get drunk, not to enjoy the drink. I have seen people mix rum, whiskey and brandy and drink it neat. And I am happy that I decided to settle down in Kerala. Most people in the extended family, specially Flory’s side, enjoy their drinks and hence a family GTG is something everyone looks forward to.
= I strongly believe in the philosophy that every human being has the right to follow his/ her heart and do anything that he can financially afford, as long as it is legally and morally right, and your body can take it. From that point of view, drinking within reasonable limits is something I wish to continue as long as possible. And I pray to God Almighty that I am in a position to do it till the last day I am alive!!
