Humour in the time of Corona
By
Mahesh Verma
A sequel to the Wodehousian spoof on the Corona virus article doing the rounds.
Disclaimer: No bats were killed during the writing of this piece.
‘I say Jeeves ole chap, this Lancet of yours that you talked about, has come under a bit of cloud, what? During the Zoom chat of the Drones Club members, the Indian High Commissioner mentioned that three Indian friends had published reports saying something about the data not being verified?’
‘Yes Sir, it’s a shame that a journal like Lancet could fall for such chicanery. The research papers had to be retracted.”
“ Trying to keep their sponsors happy, what? “
“I can perhaps check the real story with my nephew- my cousin Albert’s son, who is in Beijing.”
“ Oh yes , I remember. Isn’t your nephew, the gentleman’s gentleman to that gentleman who goes by the name of “She” ? Can you check when they plan to put a stop to this Corona stuff?”
“He is Xi Sir.”
“She is a he?”
“No Sir… He is a he but is Xi.”
“Dammit Jeeves… let’s not get into semantics, or is that pedantics? Just try and find out from your nephew or cousin or whoever he is, when those guys plan recalling this damned virus that they have let loose like that dog, Mark Antony had talked about?”
“Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war, Sir?“
“Yes yes that’s the dog I was referring to.”
“Well Sir, Xi is an honourable man and so are all his politburo members honourable men.”
“You mean, like Brutus and his fellow senators?”
“I leave that to your better judgement Sir, but as our neighbour Sherlock Holmes often says…. Elementary my dear Watson!”
“But Jeeves, that Xi is no covidiot if covidiot is the word I am looking for! Do you think we are stuck at home in London for some more time then, what?”
“ No Sir…. if Xi is not a covidiot then we are not coronincompoops either.”
“ What are you insinuating Jeeves? I did use insinuating correctly, didn’t I?”
“ Yes Sir, you did though your vocabulary is no where close to your friend Mr. Tharoor’s who had come for dinner the other night.”
“ Ah Shashi, you mean? “
“ Yes Sir… and I took the liberty of contacting him when the Lancet report got retracted and managed to get him to organise a quarantine pass from his friend Priti Patel’s office.”
“Jolly good I say, but what will I do with the pass if the Drones Club is still under lockdown?”
“ Yes Sir, but the pass allows us to go upto Blandings Castle to see Lord Elmsworth ,who is supposedly ailing. You will get some fresh air in the country and also get to meet his son, your friend Freddie who was visiting from New York.”
“Jeeves… that’s brilliant. You are a genius! Eat a lot of fish, don’t you?”
“Thank you Sir, you are very kind. Yes I do Sir.”
Mahesh Verma Instead of being a banker, who has now moved into the inclusive education space, one could have been a masseur as one is constantly rubbing people up the wrong way!
